God shit i suck at schoolwork, i have lost every dispicable trace of work ethic. I've taken a monster energy drink, a socko energy drink(fuckin delicious) an adderol, a cigarette and now im on a red bull. Believe me its not too much energy to study, i had a good run of coherent thinking for a few hours. But now im back in the rut, im a bird without wings, i have no ambition. WHY? What has happened to my precious attack tactics of completion? It's ten thirty, i hate this song, ive got a ton of notes but not a paragraph gone. I feel like my ass is stuck in a box. I cant move, i can only flail my arms around and make a sorry attempt. Id rather just not do it. I must not give up, ill be here til 2 am if you need me.

and so this is christmas, and what have you done?- john lennon

i broke a promise tonight, i said id hang out with jon edwards and i didnt, did i get too drunk? perhaps, but shit, shit happens, im in love and out of shape, i cant relay race without a place to rest my baton. christmas sucks, for the last so many years i can remmeber that is the truth, i dont give a fuck about it, im not your average hooligan who goes and buys gifts for family cause thats what do to, i dont got no famliy, i got a rabbit in a hat, i got nothing but a fissured sense of community, nothign but stress i dont want a part of, so what, since freshman year of high school i have said i wanted to hop trains; theres no science behind that, i want to risk my life to travel. i just want to go, wherever i land i dont belong, i just want to go just as fast as i came, its not my fualt, its just me, its who i am, its who i am to be.

psychotic interuption,
may i have an introduction,
my life is full of cuts and,
my teeth are falling out,
my words are drenched in doubt,
my dreams under blue fate,
when i finally found a way out,
i arrived there way too late.

so not much has changed, you know the old saying, im back again in my usual place.

What does it mean to have a reoccuring dream about a REAL girl... but in the dreams she always has a twin, an ugly twin at that? the only thing i can think is maybe she has an ugly side to her... i dont really want to think that though, i guess it is fair warning. What i've noticed about human nature is that we dont really care for fair warnings, we love to fall in the traps we set for ourselves. Its kind of an apathetic masochistic voyuerism from the inside out type of complex... when we're depressed, we dont listen to happy songs to cheer us up. we love it when we tell people our woes and they agree with us.. its like "yeah, wow, you do suck at life!" we're always looking for something to cheer us up, but we always want to be right...have you ever felt a certain way over something "stupid" and/or "small" and your beating yourself up over it, but at the same time its like your watching yourself in a movie? your like why am i acting like this is some damn movie get yourself together! you feel dumb for feeling dumb, and you cant control it. is it programming from the media, or is it the medias honest representation of us.. what came first the chicken or the egg? same shit different day, the question still remains...

if you read alot will you write better?
or if you write alot will you write better?

but daniel was hot... he drew first and shot... and rocky..collapsed in the corner aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i guess my password is really easy to guesss......

allright. im drunk, using myspace as a tool to remember what i have writtne... like ive never heard of wordpad... sloppy


TheillWill: i try not to worry, but my brain is kinda flurry, cold thoughts floating around & heavy wind, 12 inches on the ground, i sip more gin, forget the evil i was brought up within...
RORO cuz: righ righ
TheillWill: im came here to win, a challenge in the sand, new beginings to begin, a change of face within the land, but im still where i started, its been 21 years, the facts i discarded, but the truth is still right here
RORO cuz: speak on it my nigga
TheillWill: in front of my face, right under my nose, with my tongue i can taste but my eyes just dont know, seeing is believing, so i might as well say fuckit, drop out of school and work at a 7 11 in nantucket
RORO cuz: haha
TheillWill: i gotta go but il try to develop that later
RORO cuz: yeh thats nic
RORO cuz: esave that
RORO cuz: ttyl bro

"My job is to catch lightning. If there is none around, my job is to start a fire" Bono said this, and i like, it, ive never really liked Bono or U2 that much, i mean i have to have respect for the man cause hes for alot of good causes, good causes for peoples lives... but never really cared for him besides that. But yeah, i like that quote and i am here sitting in a crater of drought, no rain, no storms, no thunder, no lightning. the problem is this crater, there is no flint, no sticks, its a barren dimple in the landscape that just seems to be caving in. I need something to work with here people, and i think i have plenty of material, its just the stars arent aligned, shit just isnt connecting.

I came on here with nothing to say, coming to see if i could come up with anything. I guess i should be impressed. I dont like talking about having nothing to talk about.. i was hoping this would lead to something to talk about, but therein lies this age old theory: thinking too much creates a flux of mindwork that distracts the thinker from REALITY, thus hindering them the ability to make SENSE. because herein we live in this world, and it all comes down to us just trying to survive like we have for millions of years. yeah, old news right?

next subject: i dyed my hair black. i dyed my hair black so that i can spray my hair orange. this is of course for the ghoulish holiday of halloween, which is really just another excuse to party, like anything these days. Speaking of that, FUCK YEAH WHITE SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES SWEPT THE BITCHES WHERE THE BROOOM AT OOOH YEAH!

so lets talk about internet personality/social etiquette, if i hang out with you, and were both on facebook, am i supposed to come up with some witty reminder of the night to comment on your page? social connection= inside jokes? is that all were in for? thats fine with me... except i still have no lightning, and theres plenty to burn but no neandertools to do it with, soooooo...... should i look or move to lightning.... OR do i look for tools to start a fire? im not charged, so there fore i need inspiration, motivation, experience.

me and trex and some other folks smoked out a 77 year old granpa this weekend... it was awesome, i hadnt smoked in weeks but i had to take a hit if geezer is too. this guy was illmatic, he started the night telling me he was going for the white sox cause he hates anything and everything to do with george bush (houston astros), hes chugging wine, my friends are playing there sickass funkin gangstraordinary jams and this guy is drunk wandering around yelling "odele, arriba, wheres the mota?" the rest is history for the books, we got in on TAPE.

and if any of you are really wondering... the hook is still off the chain and the chain still isnt connected to anything because it is still broken in NINE DIFFERENT PLACES, and its only getting hotter. GROOVY

one love.

Date:	2005-10-16 16:42
Subject:	I love you, Blue
Security:	Public
Mood:	pensive
Music:	Wave of Mutiliation/Where is my mind?-Pixies

Just to let you know... I am a Gangster, i am Ill, i am Violently Ill. I cannot be stopped, and you might as well just burn me alive.

and the winner for best song to mope around in the wallows of sadness to is..... Getting Better, by the Beatles. Thank you.

can we take that chance
for a moonlit dance
underneath the gaze
of a thousand stars?

can we do for once
just what seems right
can we do it right
for just one night?

can we please not us
but the world
in we were born

its not just
for pleasure...

...but every rose
has its thorn

:)

i dont know if i can outdo my last post, but its not like anyone reads this shit anymore, i know what im doing, and if you dont like it get off my back, the thing is i know that i drink, and when i drink i end up drunk, and when im drunk i do alot of cool things, but also i do stupid things, but only sometimes.... its a relationship no doubt, and its funny cause its like having a relationship with a dead camel, it just wont get you anywhere, and then your stuck out in the desert with a bunch of other dead camels and shit, you just have no choice anymore.

the fact is the facts lie, i can only have so much faith, and so that is, and thats why, i feel like we cant relate, my dreams will never fade away, as long as i can sleep, ill dream until that sunny day im finally on my feet, ill dream until you show me how, to stop and realize, ill dream until i dont know how, to stop and realize.

ont understand.



who the fuck cares, who dares to make a move, only those who can swing enough to funken up the groove, ive lost my mood, lost my chain of thought, lost my brain, and missed the train cause i fell asleep at the station, and did i mention i just might be insane, in a stale mood i have no patience for the plain, am i to blame? im just sick of the same, and im not a lion, cause i dont have a mane, still im not tamed and i came for a piece of the pie i wont lie im not your average guy, i tried to survive but got mired in the mud, a flood of reality when i found out that mine was a dud, i tried to clean it off but got high from the suds, so i have no excuse, why? because because.... because what ever happened last time you were you? got stuck to the bottom, in other words you got screwed, boo'd, and your ass got glued to the blues, lifes a bitch when you can pick up her clues, stand in her shoes, and pay all her dues, but the real thing is, this is america, lifes a huge choice that can cause mass hysteria, and if you believe in fate, then you better get off your fuckin lazy ass and realize that it still is what youmake it, and you can still even try, one day your gonna die and realize your shit was shit. so you better do what your gotta do so you can shit what you want to shit, cause its all gonna be shit, but you should be proud of your shit, dig me? amen.

fuck girls from highschool that are nervewrecking to talk to cause you used to have a crush on them and they just seem either too stuck up to talk or just dont seem interested in anything or always have something better to do... maybe its all in my head....

so the car guy basically said that my engine could explode at any minute and i shouldnt even attempt to drive it to pheonix let alone chicago, so no cool fun car adventures this summer, maybe izzabelle will let me drive hers. lack of car also means lack of amps, guitars, fireworks, firearms and other illegal stuff that you may call contraband.

my anti persperant has given up on me, im at work doing absoultely nothing sweating balls cause this girl is intimidating the shit out of me over the internet, how the hell do you do that? you females have so many wondrous powers youll never even know the half of it.

so i guess im flying home and that means i have another week of this desert hell, i plan to spend it at the hot tub and the pool and the BBQ area, which is all at my apt complex within 100feet, i also might go climb some rocks and shoot some cacti, im not quite sure yet.......

(CNN) -- Rap star Tupac Shakur appeared yesterday in Beverly Hills and casually strolled through the streets as if the rest of the world had forgotten his "murder" nearly nine years ago

According to family members and friends of the rap star, Shakur had been in hiding in the Columbian city of Cali under the assumed name of Jamal Millwood. This and other developments in the story have led many to begin investigating lyrics such as "I'm goin' back to Cali" that apparently foretold his disappearance in 1996.

no impression, just a glance and a gavel drop
no second guessing, ones enough to keep her on top

another deaf attempt
no depth so im exempt
why succumb to the temp-
tation of whats meant
or not, what i had
versus what i got
its not alot
maybe its time to stop
ill rot if i dont
ill try but i wont
coat the pain
with a joke at most
another ghost to haunt
ill toast to want
another wish
that i could kiss goodbye
thanks for trying
to feel alive

no impression, just a glance and a gavel drop
no second guessing, ones enough to keep her on top

"Got tight last night on absinthe and did knife tricks"- Ernest Hemingway

"By 1942 Hemingway had undertaken an undercover operation to hunt down German submarines in the Atlantic ocean off the coast of Cuba. Hemingway gathered some of his friends, as well as a few professional operatives, then outfitted his boat Pilar with radio equipment, extra fuel tanks and a nice quantity of ordnance, hoping that if he ever located a German sub he could get close enough to drop a bomb down the hatch. He called the gang the "Crook Factory." Nothing ever came of their sub hunts except a good time fishing and drinking together"

things to do:
buy a boat
go on a safari
catch a marlin
live in europe
be a mountain man
write the great american novel/song/movie

one day i will actually write out something in a prose type way, but for now, you just dont want to know.

"when there is nothing left to burn, you must set yourself on fire"

i am a monster
a diseased puppeteer
a patient of unspoken will
my survival is imperative
against your seemingly
trembling rigid bracket
of resistance
your eyes grow sweaty
under ethical
disconform
you are the norm
and i am your cruel fate
im sorry, but what has been written
must be upheld
for book burning is
murder, and your life
will not write itself

"the spirits that guide me would never try to trick me"

i was eating a burrito when it happened, the heel of my palm knicked the straw potruding from my cup, so simple, so delicate, the standard paper icon coca cola cup filled with a watered down lemonade leaned, and fell, it was at this moment when i yelled "shit"

i have a found a new technique for getting dressed in the morning, i have two jeans, one your average slightly torn written on washed out light sort, the other a more prestigious fashionable black stoney washed one, on the former i have a chic $10 nylon belt with 2 rows of aluminum circle slots around the waist, on the latter, a slightly more expensive leather executive, woven. the light jeans, which i refer to as the ozone hole, or the scapegoat of human dilemna, has a zipper fly, the black, which i refer to simply as the black, or johnny cash, has a button fly. in the evening, before i lay to sleep, i take off my jeans, whichever one they way be, and leave it to crumble on the floor, all pocket contents remaining, except for my samsung c225 cellular, or my trend setting ipod, which i have to charge, or feed. when i awaken, i simply grab the jean that i plan to wear that day, which is ussually not the one i wore the day before, put it on, change pocket content, and leave. this phenomenon is known as the jean cycle

my devices are my pets. my phone, when on silent, purrs for attention, crying to kiss my cheek.

50 Cent on the cover of XXL with a crossbow.

a crossbow.

i hate people who want to know things for gossip and not for the potential to help.

i find myself glancing around campus while walking, seeing people i know, deliberatley not waving or saying anything, but if i get the idea that they may have seen me seeing them, i put my head down, slouch my back a little, i act like im sad that they did not wave or say hi to me. HA!

"Extravagant, RZA bake the track and it's militant
Then I react, like a convict, and start killin shit"- ghostface killah

bipolarity: feelings of grandiosity (titanic "im the king of the world"): I "im unstoppable"
i cannot match the randomness of colins entries, nor can i write complete sentences
uncapable of linear thought vs. incapable of linear thought
k m a f c
e e w r l
e a o i
p y m f
f
s
pepper concert vs. california game?
imitation is a form of flattery?
mockery is a form of insult?

code: beadgcflat fcgdaeb sharp

cristobal colon 1492: the world comes around, and in this case civilization lapped itself.
evolution vs our inteligence: our inteligence has lapped our evolution

"snakes have no hands to be tied"

we watched a video of a manic woman today in abnormal psychology, she was a warrior for christ and the statue of liberty, could get drunk off coffee, water, and soda pop, needed to constantly chew gum, enjoyed beating her ex husband up, believe she was a ermorphidite(hermaphrodite). while the truth of that statement is inconclusive

"they just keep holding me, wont let go, i need a hammer, to hammer them down"
"the stone that the builder refuse, will always be the head cornerstone" i get what that means architectualwise, but can someone explain its possible metaphorical meaning?

"patients are to never stop taking their medication without consulting doctor"